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They are Insane

From wearing a Christmas jumper in 41 degree sun to throwing a fit because you’ve given them the wrong spoon. It’s official – those tiny-dictators are entirely unhinged.

You Now Share Everything

Everything! Including meals that are identical to theirs. Sat directly next to theirs. But on your plate.

Sometimes Their Voice Grates On Your Soul

Of course, there is also no sweeter sound. But have you ever been asked to go swimming 450,000 times in the space of 3 hours? *Top tip: do not mention ANY activity until 15 minutes before said activity. Trust us.

Letting Them into The Bathroom With You Does Nothing For Self Esteem

From wondering why each month you’re putting a sweetie up your bum. (*FYI, we’re not). To asking where your willy is? And if they can see your poo?!

**The toilet is no longer a safe space.

They Lose Everything and Blame You

The meltdowns that follow the loss of items are next level. From those new rainbow sunglasses to the favourite new toy they insisted on taking into nursery (and losing!). It will always be YOUR problem. If you haven’t already. NEVER introduce marbles into your home. They will lose them, and you will lose yours.

When They Go Quiet- Worry!

They’re either drawing on the walls, covering themselves in Sudocrem, climbing something unstable, or sh*tting on the sofa. *Never trust the silence.

They Wake Up Really Early

We’ve bought the sleep clocks and blackout blinds and thinking about stairgating their bedroom door.

Their Innocence Is The Best Thing Ever

They will say the best things at the hardest of times. It will bring a smile to everyones face. They’re bloody hard work, but you will miss this crazy time.

They Complete The Day By 9AM

Play-Doh, drawing, dress up, 400 snacks, that craft set you thought would last the day, every episode of Peppa sodding Pig. All before the postman comes.

Their Magazines Will Bankrupt You

Sure, they might take the edge off for 5 minutes but they are expensive and NOT worth it. We regret the day we introduced them / Grandma did.

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