Nap Time

We’ve all heard the saying ‘Sleep when the baby sleeps’ and while it’s annoying, as often it happens on a walk or when you’re driving.
Sometimes, you can get lucky and it happens at home. If it does, then forget the housework and the chores. No one cares if your living room is untidy and you haven’t made the bed. Visitors gonna visit, but they can jolly well crack on with a bit of washing up while they do.

Stop Focussing on 8 Hours

Instead of thinking ‘I need to get eight hours a night to function’, start thinking in blocks of 4.
Research supports that 4/5 hours of uninterrupted sleep can significantly improve a mum’s mental state. It can be the key to starting to feel more like yourself again. One of the best ways to do this is to share feeds by letting your partner do one with a bottle. Do your last feed of the day, then head to bed and let them do the first night one and if they’re really kind, they can keep the baby until it wakes up for the next one. Which should give you a much longer sleep.
Just do what it takes to get throught it, sleep in seperate rooms, go to bed earlier, nap in the day. Just get those z’s in when you can.

Get as Much Help as You Can

Rope in some outside help. Whether it’s a child-free friend, Grandma, the old lady across the street (she looks trustworthy enough) or book a sitter to come over in the day while you rest. Let others help you, it might feel awkward to ask but just swallow that feeling and protect yourself.

Get a Routine

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again; the routine will piss you off and then it will set you free. Bath, bottle and bed won’t rock anyone’s world but you’ll thank yourself three years later when your kid goes down at 6.30pm every night like solid gold clockwork and you can crack open the Pinot Grigio and have dinner in peace.

Stop Trying To Get Them To Sleep

There is nothing worse than being off-your-face exhausted and still the kid just WILL. NOT. NAP. As tempting as it is to spend hour after hour anxiously willing them to nod off, you should probably know that babies (like horses and Tinder dates) can smell your desperation. Reverse psychology is the best course of action, for them and for you. Put the TV on, go for a walk, play like your life depends on it. Pretend you couldn’t give a damn whether they napped of not and while we can’t guarantee they’ll go to sleep it might trick you into feeling better.

Go Out

We guarantee that however bad you feel now, you’ll feel a million times better after a shower and a walk around the park. If in doubt, get out. You can remember that one even when you haven’t slept in a week.

Lower Your Standards

You know what you need when you’ve had less than three hours sleep and you’re breastfeeding a ravenous baby? A biscuit. Seven biscuits. Whatever it takes to take the pressure off. If you don’t get dressed today and all you eat is a family-sized bar of Dairy Milk and a Dominos? Be kind to yourself; that’s okay. If your toddler has developed a chronic case of insomnia and you’re so tired you’ve started to hallucinate? Whack on four hours of Peppa Pig and feel no shame.

Nap at the beginning of your baby’s sleep. A) You’re less likely to be woken up, but b) you’ll also find it easier to drift off. Ever run around the house cleaning and then tried to sleep? It’s almost impossible, as, by the time you’ve calmed down your system, your baby is awake. Sleep breeds sleep. Do it at the start, and then you’re in a better place to take things on.

1. An Hour Alone at Home with Absolutely Nothing to Do.

Like truly, properly alone. Imagine: a clean house in complete silence. Washing basket empty, food shop done. And 60 whole minutes to sit in glorious silence, to take a bath, or read a book not written by Julia Donaldson.

2. To Stay in a Hotel Sans Kids.

No yelling in the middle of the night (hopefully). The possibility of room service, day naps and a lie-in.

3. To Not Have to Think About All the Things

Is there AI for the ‘Mental Load’ yet? If so, can you just input it into our brains?

4. To Not Pick Food Up Off The Floor

Thinking about attaching mop heads to their feet tbh.

5. A Trip to The Cinema

Or a lie down in a dark room. We’re not fussy.

6. A Spa Day

The closest we get these days is our toddler driving their toy cars over our backs.
*9 out of 10 would not recommend.

7. A Good TV Box Set We Can Get Addicted To

Netflix? Completed it mate. We’re now onto the archives.

8. Comfy Joggers & Cool Trainers

We’ve swapped our high heels for athleisurewear and are ok with it.

9. The Chance to Dress Up

Somewhere hidden underneath the mum bun and stain-covered clothes, there’s a once-stylish fashionista dying to get out. *If she can be arsed.

10. To Have a Lie in That Doesn’t Sound Like World War II

Why, when it’s our turn, is everything SO F*CKING LOUD!?

Consider What Needs to Be Done and What Can Wait

A messy house can wait. The dishwasher can wait. And actually, a crying baby can wait a bit too.
Realise that you don’t have to do everything, when you can’t.
We’re not telling you to leave your baby crying while you slowly eat Eggs Bene’. But making yourself tea and toast before you sit to breastfeed for half an hour, is always a good idea.

Throw Some Things Out of Your Cup

Yes, your partner may have gone back to work and you’re at home. But that doesn’t mean you have to do all the jobs at home aswell as looking after your baby, or babies! It’s tough for both of you right now, but that doesn’t mean they can’t cook dinner or bring something in.
You can also ask a grandparent or friend to help take a child to an appointment. It doesn’t always have to be you.
Get help when you feel like you’re juggling plates, because the inevitable crash is far worse than plucking up the courage to pass something on.

It’s Never too Late to Discuss Family Roles

The minute your baby entered the world, you and your partner became parents. And you now have a shared responsibility (even if you’re not together).
If things aren’t working and you feel lost, suggest that you sit down when the baby is asleep or in someone else’s care and talk about your roles, wants and needs.
TMC Editor, Lydia House says, “I did this with my husband, and we bought and played the Fair Play card game. It helped BOTH of us understand what the other one had on. I thought it would reveal a huge imbalance. But we realised we were both doing a lot and talking it through really helped us understand each other.”

Take Care of You

Spend at least half an hour a day doing something for yourself. If it’s tricky to get out of the house, get a mobile therapist to do your nails or hair. Do a face mask, read a book or do some gentle exercise. It doesn’t need to be big, but just a small thing will help.

Get Outside and See People

Of course, The Mum Club events are great for that, but they’re not every day. So make sure you walk, get a coffee, feed the ducks or arrange to see others. Fresh air and human interaction are so healing, so push yourself out and go.

Walk Away

If you feel like your blood is boiling and you’re about to pop (or you’ve popped), try to walk away from the situation. Whether it’s a crying baby that won’t stop or a husband, mother or toddler that’s being irrational. Take a breath, and then go back into the room when you feel calmer. It might not always work but removing yourself from a situation that’s causing you stress is better than staying and imploding.

Work Out Temporary Affordable Childcare

If you can’t ask for help, then pay for help. Find local gym creches. Some only cost about £4/5 an hour and take children as young as 8 weeks – and usually you don’t have to be a member.
And if you don’t want to leave your baby, get a babysitter to come over for a few hours. No ones situation is the same and if you don’t have support, then there’s nothing wrong with paying £20-30, to get some things done. Or to just have a nap.
The bonus is that when you feel comfortable with that person, you can get them over and you can leave the house and go and do something on your own, or with your partner.
At The Mum Club we say “If you don’t have a village, then build one!”
It’s quite literally our mission.

Relax and go easy on yourself

Remember that being a parent is the one thing that nobody is perfect at. If today isn’t working out so well, take a breath and remember there’s always tomorrow.