Nap Time

We’ve all heard the saying ‘Sleep when the baby sleeps’ and while it’s annoying, as often it happens on a walk or when you’re driving.
Sometimes, you can get lucky and it happens at home. If it does, then forget the housework and the chores. No one cares if your living room is untidy and you haven’t made the bed. Visitors gonna visit, but they can jolly well crack on with a bit of washing up while they do.

Stop Focussing on 8 Hours

Instead of thinking ‘I need to get eight hours a night to function’, start thinking in blocks of 4.
Research supports that 4/5 hours of uninterrupted sleep can significantly improve a mum’s mental state. It can be the key to starting to feel more like yourself again. One of the best ways to do this is to share feeds by letting your partner do one with a bottle. Do your last feed of the day, then head to bed and let them do the first night one and if they’re really kind, they can keep the baby until it wakes up for the next one. Which should give you a much longer sleep.
Just do what it takes to get throught it, sleep in seperate rooms, go to bed earlier, nap in the day. Just get those z’s in when you can.

Get as Much Help as You Can

Rope in some outside help. Whether it’s a child-free friend, Grandma, the old lady across the street (she looks trustworthy enough) or book a sitter to come over in the day while you rest. Let others help you, it might feel awkward to ask but just swallow that feeling and protect yourself.

Get a Routine

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again; the routine will piss you off and then it will set you free. Bath, bottle and bed won’t rock anyone’s world but you’ll thank yourself three years later when your kid goes down at 6.30pm every night like solid gold clockwork and you can crack open the Pinot Grigio and have dinner in peace.

Stop Trying To Get Them To Sleep

There is nothing worse than being off-your-face exhausted and still the kid just WILL. NOT. NAP. As tempting as it is to spend hour after hour anxiously willing them to nod off, you should probably know that babies (like horses and Tinder dates) can smell your desperation. Reverse psychology is the best course of action, for them and for you. Put the TV on, go for a walk, play like your life depends on it. Pretend you couldn’t give a damn whether they napped of not and while we can’t guarantee they’ll go to sleep it might trick you into feeling better.

Go Out

We guarantee that however bad you feel now, you’ll feel a million times better after a shower and a walk around the park. If in doubt, get out. You can remember that one even when you haven’t slept in a week.

Lower Your Standards

You know what you need when you’ve had less than three hours sleep and you’re breastfeeding a ravenous baby? A biscuit. Seven biscuits. Whatever it takes to take the pressure off. If you don’t get dressed today and all you eat is a family-sized bar of Dairy Milk and a Dominos? Be kind to yourself; that’s okay. If your toddler has developed a chronic case of insomnia and you’re so tired you’ve started to hallucinate? Whack on four hours of Peppa Pig and feel no shame.

Nap at the beginning of your baby’s sleep. A) You’re less likely to be woken up, but b) you’ll also find it easier to drift off. Ever run around the house cleaning and then tried to sleep? It’s almost impossible, as, by the time you’ve calmed down your system, your baby is awake. Sleep breeds sleep. Do it at the start, and then you’re in a better place to take things on.

1. An Hour Alone at Home with Absolutely Nothing to Do.

Like truly, properly alone. Imagine: a clean house in complete silence. Washing basket empty, food shop done. And 60 whole minutes to sit in glorious silence, to take a bath, or read a book not written by Julia Donaldson.

2. To Stay in a Hotel Sans Kids.

No yelling in the middle of the night (hopefully). The possibility of room service, day naps and a lie-in.

3. To Not Have to Think About All the Things

Is there AI for the ‘Mental Load’ yet? If so, can you just input it into our brains?

4. To Not Pick Food Up Off The Floor

Thinking about attaching mop heads to their feet tbh.

5. A Trip to The Cinema

Or a lie down in a dark room. We’re not fussy.

6. A Spa Day

The closest we get these days is our toddler driving their toy cars over our backs.
*9 out of 10 would not recommend.

7. A Good TV Box Set We Can Get Addicted To

Netflix? Completed it mate. We’re now onto the archives.

8. Comfy Joggers & Cool Trainers

We’ve swapped our high heels for athleisurewear and are ok with it.

9. The Chance to Dress Up

Somewhere hidden underneath the mum bun and stain-covered clothes, there’s a once-stylish fashionista dying to get out. *If she can be arsed.

10. To Have a Lie in That Doesn’t Sound Like World War II

Why, when it’s our turn, is everything SO F*CKING LOUD!?